What I Really Meant To Say
by PiperLeoEternally
Summary: FINISHED What Remus thought when Sirius fell through the veil, what he wishes he could have told him. SLASH, SBRL i dont own song or harry potter. FINISHED
1. What Remus really meant to say

What I really meant To Say - Remus

One shot, songfic, Remus's side (Sirius's soon to come, what was going through his mind as he fought, and fell through the veil.) What Remus really wanted to say to Sirius, and the things he never will. Lyrics in Italics. This is a two parter, when there is a chapter two that means Sirius's side is up.

_It took me by surprise, when I saw you standing there, close enough to touch, breathing the same air…_

Remus watched as the love of his life Sirius Black feel through a veil he could never return from. "No," he whispered as he watched him fall, his eyes burning from the tears beckoning to come forward.

_You asked me how I'd been, I guess that's when I smiled and said just fine…oh but baby I was dying…_

Remus held Harry back and he screamed for his godfather. Remus's heart broke in two; no one would ever be able to fill that void, in him or Harry. "He's gone, there's nothing you can do." Of course there was nothing, but on the inside Remus wanted to run after his lover, there was so much he really meant to tell him all these years.

_What I really meant to say, is I'm dying here inside, and I miss you more each day, there's not a night I haven't cried, and baby here's the truth, I'm still in love with you, yea, that's what I really meant to say._

Remus woke himself screaming Sirius's name and shot up in bed, another night of this horrible dream replaying its self, no matter how hard Remus tried, he couldn't escape Sirius, he was all around him. Remus walked into the living area and picked up a picture of Sirius and he when they had gotten engaged, they never got married… they would have been by this time, but life doesn't always go as planned. "I LOVED YOU DAMNIT!" Remus fell to his knees and started to cry, "I loved you and you left me. I'll always love you Sirius Black, and you'll never know how much pain I'm in." Remus bowed his head.

_As you walked away, the echo of my words, cut just like a knife, cut so deep it hurt…_

There was really no reason to be mad at Sirius, and Remus really wasn't, it was just easier to yell at him then to face the truth, he wasn't mad at Sirius, _his_ Padfoot wasn't going to walk back in the door any minute, he was gone.

_I held back the tears, held on to my pride and watched you go, I wonder if you'll ever know…_

Remus thought back, Sirius was holding him, they were in bed, he was whispering his sweet nothings, he always did that just to see Remus smile that naughty smile. Remus shook his head at this thought; he could literally smell Sirius right there. This was not how he planned it, none of the marauders should be dead, he shouldn't be the only one left, why did this have to happen, and it wasn't fair.

_What I really meant to say, is I'm dying here inside, and I miss you more each day, there's not a night I haven't cried, and baby here's the truth, I'm still in love with you. What I really meant to say is I'm really not that strong, no matter how I try I'm still holding on…_

Remus was a wonderful example to Harry, he was strong, diligent, loving, and he never let Harry know how bad he was truly hurting. The love of his life, dead, in his prime. Remus thought back to the night James and Lily died, "Remus," Sirius said, "its okay to cry, let me be the strong one for once, let your guard down." Sirius kissed him as he let the tears flow silently on his shoulders, Sirius was the only one who knew how weak Remus really was. Of course Lily and James had effected him, and he ended up leaving and doing something incredibly stupid that landed him away from his moony for thirteen years, but he also died not that long after, leaving his Moony all alone again…

_And here's the honest truth, I'm still in love with you, yea, that's what I really meant to say….that's what I really meant to say… That's what I really meant to say…_

There would never be another man Remus loved more than Sirius Black, and he was gone. "That's what I really wanted to tell you" Remus said to the picture, "I love you so much, and it kills me so much every day to know you're never coming back to me." Remus laid back down as his heart broke for the millionth time.

A/N please, please review, plus remember me, im working on a SB/RL fic right now and it should be out soon.


	2. What Sirius Really meant to say

What I Really Meant to Say – Sirius

Lyrics in italics, What Sirius was thinking right before, and as he fell through the veil?

_It took me by surprise, when I saw you standing there, close enough to touch, breathing the same air…_

Sirius was locked in a horrible battle with Bellatrix Lestrange, his own flesh and blood, not that that counted in the black family, and Sirius hated to admit it, but she was a fighter. Sirius took a second to glance over at his lover, locked in his own duel, he looked so hot fighting. Sirius snapped back and blocked a shot giving Bellatrix his, 'is that all you got' smile.

_You asked me how I'd been, I guess that's when I smiled and said just fine, oh but baby I was lying…_

Sirius was not expecting what was coming next, as he again stole a glance at his partner he felt this horrible pain in his heart and he heard Bellatrix Laughing at him, he could feel himself falling, he let her get him. What was happening, where was Remus, he couldn't die, Remus and Harry needed him. "SIRIUS!" That was Harry; he knew it was bad if he could hear Harry screaming for him. He could briefly see Remus holding Harry back, protecting him like he always did. 'I'm so sorry Harry. I am so sorry Remus" Sirius thought as his long fall to the veil was happening. 'It's not fair I leave either of you."

_What I really meant to say, is I'm dying here inside and I miss you more each day, there's not a night I haven't cried, and baby here's the truth, I'm still in love with you, yea, that's what I really meant to say…_

'I love you Remus, there's nothing in this world that can ever change that, and nothing that can ever will. Please don't be sad for me, go on and live your life as wildly as you would have with me. Watch over Harry and Love him, be the Moony you have always been, and remember above all I love you.

_And as you walked away, the echo of my words cut just like a knife, cut so deep it hurts…_

Sirius heart fell, he would never see Remus again, never feel his touch, never be with him, last night was the last time they would ever be together like that, last night was the last time they would share a kiss. How stupid was he for leaving Remus for thirteen years to be in Azkaban.

_I held back the tears, held onto my pride and watched you go, I wonder if you'll ever know…_

As Sirius finished falling he could feel his heart stop and his world go black, 'will you ever know how much I love you Moony? I was such a jerk to you, I left you when you needed me most, and I left Harry. Sirius reflected one last time on their last night together. Twelve hours ago he would have never pictured himself dying, not like this, not leaving behind the two most important people in his life.

_What I really meant to say, is I'm dying here inside and I miss you more each day, there's not a night I haven't cried, and baby here's the truth, I'm still in love with you. What I really meant to say, is I'm really not that strong, no matter how I try, I'm still holding on. And here's the honest truth, I'm still in love with you, yea, that's what I really meant to say, that's what I really meant to say, that's what I really meant to say…_

As the veil ruffled, having just let the body of one, Sirius Black pass through it, Remus could have swear he heard Sirius say "I love you Moony, remember, its not your fault." The weird thing is, Harry heard him too, though he could have sworn Sirius said it wasn't his fault. Maybe that was what Sirius really meant to say, it's not their fault.

_A/N: There you go...I finished both of them, so this is it for this 2 chapter story. If you want more stories about Sirius and Remus check out A Simple Love Story... Please review, it keeps me going.. oh i didnt mention this in the other one deep breath I do not own harry Potter it belongs to J/K Rowling ad WB, i also do not own What I really Meant to say, that belongs to cyndi thomas...thank you._


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